Dawn of the Dead:

There is not one bad thing I can say about this movie. This was simply amazing. I really wanted to see it, then I didn't really care, but I'm glad I finally saw it. It was everything I didn't expect and more. It's been out for a while, so I wont bother writing a huge detailed review, though I've said that before and ended up lying. To summarize, though: This is a very visual movie, from the opening credits you know you're in for some of the best shots you'll ever see, the kind that will stay with you forever. Even the credits keep this theme going. Running and jumping zombies are many, many times scarier than the shambling ones. They're still zombies, they're still retarded and stupid but they can run and scream. This is 100x more frightening than I thought it could be. Everyone in the movie is pitch perfectly casted and you do build an emotional bond with a few of the characters, but none of them are really fleshed out. (Ving Rhames kicks all sorts of ass). If you want to leave the theater on a positive note, leave the SECOND the credits start to role. (Or wait for the really hot chick to expose her breasts, then leave). That's all. Go see this if you've been wary, it will not disappointed and it will definitely disturb.

I Died Today:

I was driving home from today's great day at work, (the day went by so quickly it was incredible, just kept really busy, but comfortably so), and as I passed through the change from 2nd Street into Valley Parkway and some asshole decided it was a good time to run a red light at high speed, slamming themselves very nicely into my driver side door and, thus deep into me. I didn't really feel anything, actually I ended up pretty much instantly staring at my body hanging broken in the seat belt with my car flipped on it's side. I have to assume at this point that my neck snapped on impact, and I'm pretty thankful it did since I didn't have to hang there and bleed to death while they tried to pry the door out of my arm.

I had a good idea about what was happening, the expected blurry version of the world paused in time, the rubbery feeling in all of my joints, the fact that I was hovering a few feet off the ground kind of gave away the fact that I was very nicely devoid of life. The silvery tether holding me to my body was intact so I knew I still had time to possibly fix this. I was wondering where the person who was supposed to greet me was, or, even more so, who it would be. My mind raced through people I knew who had been long dead that I looked up to mentors, but I came up pretty blank.

"Hi there," said someone behind me. I tried to spin around on my heel but that didn't quite work the way I had planned it, instead the voice appeared in front of me, along with the blurry humanoid shape. I forced myself to focus on him. I didn't have any idea who the hell this person was.

"Who the hell are you," I said, "I thought I was supposed to meet someone I knew during my life."

"Well, you did know me, but you never met me. Also, that's kind of surprising that you knew you were supposed to meet people, most people are pretty shocked that they're not standing in a blue tunnel of light with gigantic gates in front of them, but not to get off topic... I'm Innkeeper."

As he said all this, I have to say I was pretty shocked. Innkeeper was an channel operator in an IRC chatroom I hung out in when I was twelve. I'd never met the guy, of course, but we always talked a lot and we got along really well. Really nice guy, he had a degenerative disease of some sort, bound to a wheelchair, he died a few years ago if I remember correctly.

In spite of my inner monologue, he continued, "So, since you seem to have a pretty good understanding of what's going on, I figure we can cut out the whole chat about the fact that you're battling with confusion and all that nonsense. Are you ready to move on?"

I objected, "Well, yes, but... No, wait, I wasn't really planning on dying right now."

"There isn't much I can really do about that, Brad."

"I'm sure someone can fix this. Isn't there someone you can talk to? I mean, shit dude, this is fucked up. Put me back in the car twenty minutes ago or some shit, I'm sure you can find someone who can do that. Have someone look at my life, there's still shit I need to do and I'm not accepting no for an answer. I'm not dying the night before my two days off, that's just cruel. If you guys wanna kill me can't you just wait till.. well, never?"

He sighed, "Alright, I'll see what I can do for you."

He faded out of sight and I was left to examine my body and the crash. I managed to get the hang of moving myself around, just a trick of the mind. Disregard the muscles that controlled your movements in the past and you can do what you want. I willed myself to circle around my car, checking out the crumbled doors and broken glass. I noticed a bit of glass from my driver side window sticking out of the back of my ear in a nearly comical fashion, but before I had a chance to laugh, Innkeeper was back.

"They tried to tell me that the best we could do for you was to put you back in your body as it is now, and you'd end up a vegetable for the rest of your life, but," he paused dramatically here to annoy me on purpose, "I argued your case as I think you would have, you know, a lot of swear words and overacting, and someone who I've never met before stepped in and gave you back your life at a position about 30 minutes in the past."

I was shocked, not thinking my plea would work at all, "Dude, that's bad ass. Thanks a lot."

"Well, it's the least I could do, you want to go back now?"

"Yeah, I figure I'll see you again eventually, hopefully a long time from now?" I just had to ask.

"It'll be a while, in your time at least, and it might not be me by the time you get back here."

"Alright, cool, I'll hunt you down when I finally decide it's my time to die, thanks."

And, with that, I was back in the church parking lot behind my work. The initial shock of my feet touching the ground caused me to freak and drop the entire can of Mountain Dew I was holding all over the concrete, but aside from that, it was nice to be back in my body. I looked up at the stars and the moon, just to identify Orion like I usually do, and the moon was in waxing gibbous just like it was when I looked at it the first time tonight.

A Day In The Life,

(Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Life): So, today started off good. I woke up decently enough in my usual way. I sat at Rubio's for a long time finishing up The Gnostic Gospels so I could return it to the library tomorrow. Then I headed to work. When I got there we were a bit behind, but we had enough people and we motored through all the treatments. Everything was OK until about seven where I realized that everything would be completely fucked in two hours. People working on treatments: Me and Laurel, a great new tech. Bill, the one other non-usless assistant who trained me was busy assisting and Karen, a completely useless assistant who needs to get her ass fired, was busy finding other things to do in conviently hidden locations. All the other techs and supervisors were busy doing more important stuff. It was hell. When you look at the board around 9:30 PM and realize that there are still all of the eight o'clocks to do, and you are the only person who can do them, and you haven't taken your lunch yet and you're off in an hour, you just want to cry.

So that sucked. On top of that right before my lunch I was restraining a dog, and when we were done I fiddled with my really nice Fossil Big Tic watch and dropped it from about counter height (2 feet up), it hit the floor but I put it back on quickly and ran off to lunch. Toward the end of my lunch I look at my watch and say, "Why can't I see the seconds ticker?" and realize that minor fall resulted in the LCD seconds display to crack right in half. Once again, I wanted to cry.

So, after whining about that trauma to Bill for the last ten minutes of my lunch and the first ten minutes of his, I clock back in and waste half an hour doing minor things until I get to clock out and go home. This is where it gets great. What could possibly go worse for me? I'll tell you.

So I walk out to my car, I reach to open the door and there's this big ass spider on the door. I smash it with my foot, quickly wiping my foot on the ground to make sure it's not alive and on my shoe since I can't stand spiders. I reach back for the handle and see another big ass spider on my window. I take a step back and... there are big fucking spiders of all sizes covering my entire car.

Let me make this clear: BIG FUCKING SPIDERS ALL OVER MY FUCKING CAR.

I suddenly got the worse case of arachniphobia combined with the skin leaping off my body along with an overwhelming feeling of dread that this is repayment for some horrible thing I didn't know I did or will eventually do. I, well, I really wanted to cry. I ran back inside work to grab a flashlight and a broom, along with warning Bill who had parked in front of me (who had left his sunroof in Vent mode, poor bastard) that apparently spiders were falling out of the massive trees above our cars directly onto our motor vehicles. Laurel's truck was in front of him so I told them too. After brushing the spiders off the important bits of my car I managed to will myself into my car, hoping none of them had time to crawl through AC vents or the battery vent in the back. Even after the 20 minute drive at 60 down Del Dios Highway I hosed my car off very well when I got home.

Today sucked ass. I can imagine it would be like losing all your money gambling in the old west and walking out of the bar to find that your horse was devoured by buzzards.

ATTN (Hope):

You all suck. Just wanted to make sure you had your daily ego boost.

(P.S.: Just thought of a thought I had: To hope is to be ignorant of the truth. The truth is that there is nothing to hope for. The only thing you should hope for is nothing, as the truth always defies hope. To know the truth, you must lose all hope. To be truly happy, you must know the truth. The truth lies within you, in the place where only you can reach it. When you find the truth, you will lose all hope).

(P.P.S.: Since we apparently have some retarded people who read the site and can't comprehend things for themselves, I'll explain: Hope generally leads to pain, sure, it's a pessimistic thought but it is a true one, at least 50% of the time. If you hope for something, and it doesn't happen, you experience sorrow. Hope is an ignorant emotion because to hope is to wish for something you can't be sure will happen. When you "lose all hope" you become enlightened, because you understand the truth of the world and you are no longer wounded by that which you do not know. When you no longer hope, or expect something, you can't be hurt anymore. Losing all hope is, of course, impossible, but you can get close).

(P.S.S.: The joys of the english language lie in the ignorance of close-minded people, being unable to interpret phrases of words in alternate manners, their brains are locked on to one meaning or one feeling per sentence. When I say "lose all hope" morons reading the site decide that it must be some sort of negative awful thing, because without hope you have nothing to live for. Wrong. Without hope you have nothing to be wounded by, when you learn to live without hope you are living life in order to live it, every day will please you because you don't expect to get more than you normally recieve. Any small blessing in that day, if work goes well for instance, will seem that much more important, and any awful occurance, if you get by a dog for instance, will seem insignificant because you didn't hope thatthe entire day to go well).

(P.P.S.S.: The hope worth losing is the hope for things you have no control over. If you hope that one day you will own a house, that's a good thing, since it will motivate you to make money and, hopefully, one day buy that hose. But if you hope that this hot chick you met and a party will fall deeply in love with you even though she's showing no interest, then you're probably hoping for the wrong things. Knowing how to stop getting hurt is the name of the game here).

(P.P.S.S.S.: Eat my ass).

My arrow keys don't work on text now.

God as Everything:

Certain groups of Gnostic Christians practicing in the second century taught that the way to find God was through yourself, because God is everything from the trees, to the oceans, to the very flame we base our lives around. From what I've read so far, it seems Gnostics were very big on declaring everything that the Orthodox Christian church (also known as Catholics) decided was inherently evil. (Why? Well, gee...) Gnostics were very good at this. If God is everything, including the deficiency and fulfillment (deficiency being us, fulfillment being God, more or less), then everything in our life today is God. God is the illegal substances we deem illegal to consume. God is the toxic substances destroying our planet. God is the lousy President the US has in office. All of these awful things are God. Doesn't make God out to be very nice now does it?

Well, actually, if you follow Valentinus' teachings from the second century, you know that the universe was created by pain and suffering. Sophia's (Wisdom's) fall into The Limit (or right through it, as it may be) caused her great trauma. The four elements that Greek philosophers said composed the world (earth, air, fire, water) are concrete forms of her experiences:

"Thus the earth arose from her confusion, water from her terror; air from the consolidation of her grief; while fire was inherent in all these elements . . . As ignorance lay concealed in these three sufferings."

With this knowledge, any Gnostic can come to understand why the world is as it is. The core of Gnosticism seems to say, "Yes, life sucks, but if you believe in yourself, you can get through it," which sounds great to me, in fact it could be the warning me and a lot of people could have used earlier in life.

Understanding this, I believe, is key to knowing God. Although the Gnostic cosmogony seems to make a deliberate point in stating that is is impossible to know God (or the Depth, or whatever is a suitably non-sexual name), Jesus made fairly cryptic statements about how you can come to achieve gnosis, or to know the secrets of God, or to know God, or to whatever the whatever. The disciples seemed suitably retarded to Jesus' message, questioning him over and over again, until he just started making shit up to piss them off. The New Testament's description of The Kingdom of Jesus or Heaven or Whatever are suitably incorrect as Jesus said many times that there wont be any worldwide tranquility or paradise or anything like that. It seems that if Jesus ever comes back, which he probably isn't, he's not going to be bringing any sort of Kingdom down with him.

His disciples said to him, "When will... the new world come?" He said to them, "What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it." ...His disciples said to him, "When will the Kingdom come?" (Jesus said,) "It will not come by waiting for it. It will not be a matter of saying 'Here it is' or 'There it is' Rather, the Kingdom of the Father is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it."

Jesus seemed big on teaching the disciples that ignorance was the downfall of man, or the downfall of any living creature in the universe. It should make sense to any person with an ounce of intelligence that being able to accept knowledge would be the way to find answers. Why can't this apply to finding God? The problem is that the majority of people do not trust themselves enough to answer their own questions. It's safer to turn to someone who you think already knows about what you need answers on. The key to finding gnosis, (spiritual knowledge), is that the answers can only be found by yourself. No one can give you the answers, or even the magical twelve step program to achieving gnosis. This is a massive hurdle for the majority of people, which is why so many probably turned to the orthodox Catholic church. Here you have an establishment of people who welcome you with open arms, telling you that they are the path to God and that they have the answers that will ease that empty ache inside your head.

People who turn to the churches, Bishops, and other forms of minor-deities-in-elect are ignorant to the truth that lies within themselves. They decide, willingly, that instead of turning inward and searching themselves of their own answers, they would rather have someone tell them what their truth should be. What these sad individuals don't know, though, is that the truth doesn't come from someone else, it doesn't come from some religious institution. It comes from within. By looking at yourself and understanding how you feel, you will find God. You are God. God is you. Yes, God exists, but he is everything. He is the atoms making up your body right now. Only by understanding yourself will you find the truth.

Sorry to ramble. I didn't mean to get off topic.

(On a completely unrelated note, I was thinking about string theory on the drive home... What if the strings predicted by the theory are actually God's building blocks, or the fundamental fiber that even our creator (not to be confused with God) is composed of? Since the strings are so microscopic that there is no way, even in the foreseeable future, that we can see them, String theory is border-line religion since you need faith to believe that they exist at all. It would make sense then that the scientific theory that is both science and religion would be the explainable building blocks of God. Just an interesting concept, since God is everything and everything is God. If we ever observe the strings in action, we could possibly say that we have seen God. Either that, or the universe is going to blink out of existence immediately).

Shaving.

I shaved off my pseudo-goat and pseudo-moustache today. I decided to be spontaneous and different. Now I feel totally naked. This day is going to suck.

Unreal Tournament 2004:

It's been a long time since I stood in front of the toaster licking peanut butter off a knife while the bread browns and butterflies are being removed from my ears by mythical creatures made of concrete with daisies sprouting out of them in mandelbrot patterns in kaleidoscopic colors making up faces without eyes inside boxes with treasures kept hidden from those who are not worthy of the knowledge of the truth about everything including the unicorns folicing inside my head slowly pounding my brain to a pulpy consistency not entirely unlike tenderized meat but just enough to be unmistakably unique from anything that possibly came before the fall from grace that created all of us flawed beings who are being saved by something that had absolutely nothing to do with our monumental errors.

UT2K4 is that good. I got the DVD SE. It rules.

Under The God:

This whole Pledge of Allegiance thing is getting really out of hand. I was going to say more about it, but whats the point? You have two sides, equally retarded, fighting over something even more retarded. If Athiests didn't have to be so adamant about being sad and alone in the universe, then we wouldn't have a problem. Course, if Christians weren't so narrow minded and uptight about their religion, trying to insert God into every frickin' thing they can get their grubby paws on, we wouldn't have this problem either. Personally, I think saying the Pledge of Allegiance is wrong because we're forcing children to pledge their allegiance to a country that they cannot be mature enough to understand whether they want to or not. I'll tell you, I always hated the fucking Pledge of Allegiance because it was a stupid waste of time and I certainly didn't want to have to stand up ten minutes from the moment I sat down so I could mumble some stupid words I'd repeated so many times I didn't even have any idea of what they meant anymore. All I could garner from the Pledge was that God was somewhere above our heads and we were under him, like a hamster in a chair waiting for the fat woman's ass hovering above us to sit down, bringing our sudden but humiliating end. My child will not be saying the Pledge of Allegiance if I have anything to do with it. I want her to feel completely singled out through all of her single digit years, that way she can tell all her anarchist friends when she's 16 that her dad was super cool because he didn't let the "fucking system shove their shit down my throat." Fuck yeah, I rule.

Thank you. (Inspired by: Atheist Calls Pledge Unconstitutional).

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:

I couldn't wait to see this movie, and it was worth what little wait I had to see it. This is definitely one of those movies that sticks with you afterward because it is so powerful. It breaks you down and then lifts you up just a tiny bit at the end, but not so much that you leave the theater without the icky sort of lovelorn feeling the movie oozes throughout it's course. There isn't much of anything to complain about since everything is just pitch perfect throughout. If you find yourself saying, "Jesus, she is a nutty bitch, why would he like her?" at the beginning, you'll come to understand.

Just a great movie. I don't have much to say besides that. If you've ever really felt in love at one point and not understood why things eventually fell apart, this movie will make you really not understand because you'll start remembering all those good moments you and whoever it was shared together. Very heartbreaking, indeed.

Sweet Jesus.

Just pointless bitching: I just got into some fight with some guy because I said, despite the fact that I love David Bowie, that in comparison to Peter Gabriel, David's just a really long running bad joke. Obviously this guy was really pissed being a huge Bowie fan. I assumed at first he actually knew something about Peter Gabriel so I tussled with him until I mentioned The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway and he went "I'm sure Peter Gabriel's broadway musical was great." I was awed by the mightiness of his stupidity, like a rabbit caught between a pair of headlights. I realized, at that moment, I was bickering with someone who had no fucking idea what he was talking about. There should be some sort of unspoken rule that says you can't argue the pros and cons of two seperate artists unless you have fairly initimate knowledge of both of their careers. Ugh.

Nothing Quite Like It:

Last week, along with a baby, I recieved this headphone amplifier and these wonderful headphones which I ordered. The headphone amplifier was the personal amp for one of the guys on UberNet who builds amps and such, and he recommended the headphones since you can get them super cheap from that site.

Why would I want to spend approx. $400 on headphones and an amplifier for them? Simple: Audio quality. He helped me set up a few other things on my computer to get better quality out of it, like the kX drivers for those of us stuck with Creative SoundBlaster cards, and the best settings for Foobar2000... and now I've been listening to music non-stop. It's like hearing some albums for the first time, you can hear the distinct positions of the instruments in the song, and some small details you'd never probably heard before due to lack of clarity. Ever think you could maybe hear someone talking in the background during one of your favorite songs? You'd probably hear it word for word without straining using a good pair of cans and an amplifier. It's easy to close your eyes and actually see the band in front of you playing the music, the clarity is that fine.

It's good stuff. Just needed to brag.

I hate to say it, but...

I let down my guard, and didn't expect that the stupidest thing that could happen would happen. I just don't fucking understand. Let this be a reminder to all of you... the minute you think you've leaped over that one fucking hurdle that will make all the others seem small in comparison, yeah, you got it, an even bigger one that looks almost the same (but a bit different) will surely sprout up out of nowhere. Fuck this shit, I haven't any heart left to chip away, the beast is done.

Introducing...

The Electric Biscuit MP3 Gallery, where you can download music I may upload from time to time (probably more often than not) for you all to listen to. User/pass to download is on the website itself so it's easy enough to see as you're clicking. Check it out.

Avery Sophia Root

was born on Monday, March 15th, 2004 at 3:08 PM (PST). I'm too tired to say much else, but I will say having to leave the hospital and your daughter behind is the worst thing I have ever felt in my entire life. It's like dying. You realize for the first time in your life there is something actually worth caring about and it scares you more than anything you can imagine.

Who does this confuse?

From the BBC: Despite every effort over many years, the level of teenagers having sex and getting pregnant is as high as ever. And nobody really knows why...

WHY ARE TEENAGERS HAVING SEX!?! I DON'T KNOW! NO ONE KNOWS! SCIENTISTS BAFFLED! THE POPE PERPLEXED! GEORGE DUBYA HAS LEARNED HOW TO SPELL SEX!!! NEWS AT 11!!!11!!

Jesus and Joan of Arc:

I always thought it was interesting that in Luc Besson's 1999 epic The Messenger about Joan of Arc, they actually had God speaking to Joan in various forms, one of which looked an awful lot like a solemn Jesus when she was in her teen years. When she was younger, God appeared to her as younger, when older, he appeared as older (although much older than her).

I'm currently reading a book called the The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels where she explores certain controversial topics, contrasting the orthodox Christian view against the gnostic Christian view with the Bible and the current amount of found Gnostic Gospels.

Jesus took them all by stealth, for he did not reveal himself in the manner in which he was, but in the manner in which they would be able to see him. He revealed himself to the great as great and to the small as small. (The Book of Phillip, 57.28-32)

Elaine Pagels makes the following statements in regards to those verses in a chapter discussing the supposed bodily resurrection of Jesus, and the following claimed sightings and visions of Jesus. (Of which accounts are conflicting in both the Bible and in many of the gnostic gospels).

To the immature disciple, Jesus appears as a child: to the mature, as an old man, symbol of wisdom. As the Gnostic teacher Theodotus says 'each person recognizes the Lord in his way, not all alike' (Pagels, 1979, p17)

What this means to me is that whoever wrote the screenplay for The Messenger was being creative and incorporating certain parts of the gnostic gospels into The Messenger's mythology. I can't find any real accounts of Joan claiming she was actually being visited by a person, be it God or (in this case, more likely) Jesus. Also, it would make no sense that Jesus would be giving some poor peasant girl visions which she'd decide meant she must kill a whole lot of people, but that's not the point here. The point here is that in the context of The Messenger, Joan was being visited by Jesus and the author of the screen play incorporated concepts taken from gnostic literature, which is cool. Yeah.

An interesting point I've seen brought up online and explains why orthodox Christians are so keen on insisting on a bodily resurrection, (of which many people accept but none really think about), meaning that at this one point in all of time a dead man came back to life! I can't imagine that when you really think about it, it doesn't seem a little absurd that a religion that does not, cannot, believe in resurrection can structure it's entire beliefs around one possibly sacreligious event.

It does expose a fatal flaw in all of humanity: One person supposed on a message board I skimmed across that had it not been for the resurrection, there wouldn't be a Christianity today. The resurrection proved to the doubting Thomases (check that out, a phrase spun from the bible being used in reference to the bible in the context of how it originated) of the Christians that Jesus was indeed the Savior and not just some normal ho-hum prophet. The fact that he came back to life unlike anything else in the world proved that Jesus was who he said he was. Just saying that he was who he was not enough... we actually had to kill him and have him come back to life for us to believe in him. How fucked up is that?

The problem is that according to many gnostic texts, and the Bible itself, is there is some conflict over who saw Jesus and exactly what happened. According to the gnostic gospels, Mary Magdalene saw Jesus first, but that would just fuck the Catholic church all up since they hate women and all, and she wasn't one of the twelve disciples, and it's claimed that only the original twelve disciples saw Jesus. (Although it makes no sense to me that Jesus wouldn't visit the woman he kissed repeatedly [on the mouth] and told his disciples that he loved her unlike he loved them). Also, some quotes say that Jesus actually had his disciples touch him, or that Jesus appeared to them in different forms (such as Mary), or that Jesus appeared a whole crowd of people, or that Jesus appeared in a bright flash of light that many saw but only one person heard his voice, etc, etc.

The reason orthodox Christians rely so heavily on the bodily resurrection as opposed to a more understandable (yet gnostic) spiritual resurrection is the aforementioned fatal flaw... had Jesus not come back to life, Christianity would have died out since the retarded orthodox (meaning, literally, straight-thinking or straight belief) masses would just assume that Jesus was full of shit, and unable to prove himself by coming back to life. It's obvious then why these simple concepts from the Gnostic gospels would upset orthodox Christians so much. (Why? Because they're retarded, well yes, but no). Without the bodily resurrection... Jesus might have well as not existed at all.

Orthodox Christians are stupid.

Audioscrobbler:

Audioscrobbler is a service much akin to aforementioned Listen-To, except for a few important differences: it works, it isn't down all the time, and it's fast. This means that Audioscrobbler uses a plugin in your favorite audio player (be it Winamp or Foobar or anything else) and sends the currently playing song data to the Audioscrobbler database. Then you can track your playing habits, and even better, Audioscrobbler uses a fairly simple algorithim to detect (successfully, I might add) similar artists based on people's listening habits. Check it out! My Audioscrobbler profile is right here but at this moment there are pretty much no listens recorded.

This is dedicated to North County drivers:

Fuck you. The lines drawn on the pavement in parallel forms are there so our cars do not try to occupy the same physical space at the same time, please stay on your side of the line and I will stay on mine. If you decide that you want to try to see if our cars will merge into one, when I punch my horn and attempt to swerve away, do not continue to attempt to get over into my lane, since that will push me into the opposite side of the street and probably into an oncoming semi-truck. (This has happened). Do not drive fifty-five when the clearly posted speed limit signs state thirty-five. Do not drive thirty-five when the speed limit signs clearly state fifty-five. Going half the speed limit does not mean that you can disobey the previously mentioned line crossing restriction. Do not, I repeat, do not roll half way through an intersection because you are sure that the light will turn green before you are all the way through it. Please don't stop for green lights either. Do not continue rolling through stop signs, and don't be confused when I don't go because you have yet to come to a complete stop and I have no fucking idea what you're going to do. For all I know your continuous movement is a sign that you are going to slam on accelerator the minute I'm directly in front of you, ready and waiting to be t-boned. Fuck you. I hate you. Please die.

Welp, There We Go.

Here's the new design. It's not much but it fixes many things I felt were wrong with the last few. Also, this is my first truly cross-browser compatible and standards compliant (although it wont validate and I don't care to bother) design. It looks just about the same in Firefox and IE6, but Firefox users get a special bit of eye candy due to Firefox's superior rendering abilities. Also, Firefox's PNG-24 transparency support kicks serious ass which means...

The Yu-Gi-Oh inspired caricature of me was drawn by none other than Dan Crum, aka The Living Robot, and that's his signature down at the bottom of the menu in all it's PNG-24 alpha channeled anti-aliased glory. I'm proud of that. I'm not a Yu-Gi-Oh fan if anyone is wondering, but I just love that drawing of me. It's so... me. Enjoy, kiddos, and make the switch to Firefox... Take back the web! (Despite how stupid that phrase it, it's catchy).

For those wondering why Firefox rules, here's two shots for you of what EB should look like: nunmber one, and number two (note the actual anti-aliased transparency on the Firefox logo and the TLR signature).

Thoughts on Madrid:

I posted these small comments on a message board in relation to the bombings in Madrid. I figured they were worth posting here: I hate to say it, but this will go mostly unnoticed and uncared for by the majority of Americans. It's funny, three train stations are blown up in some other country and no on cares, but one (sorry, two) buildings get blown up here and we have to attack the entire planet. Why isn't Bush already offering to help Spain (sending troops and other war supplies) to fight off this ETA terrorist organization? Are they not threatening world peace as well? Oh, wait, the ETA doesn't have oil and isn't attacking us so who are we to step in as the world's police officer... wait... we've already said we're fighting the world's terrorists... and acted on many occasions as the world's police officer... so why aren't we... oh never mind.

Of course, instead of anyone actually helping Spain and doing anything, we have a massive circle jerk of "world leaders" being brave enough to get their names yet again recycled through the paper by publicly condemning this horrendous crime (through various combinations of words that seem to come from George W. Bush's "Talking About Terrorism for Dummies, 3rd Ed."). As if we need a bunch of blow hards to tell us that killing a ton of people in Spain is bad? Why don't you get off your asses and... oh fuck it, what's the point?

My Headstone:

Brad: i lot of music came out in 1996
Brad: a lot of good music
Brad: good was meant to be in italics but msn doesn't apparently support selective italizing
Shannon: haha
Shannon: dance mix 96 was funkalicious :P
Brad: i'm just searching for years on uber now
Brad: i mean... dave matthews released his second hit record, fat boy slim hit it big (who listens to fatboy slim anymore?? OH YEAH NO ONE!!), Bush released Razorblade Suitcase, Beck finally released Odelay and then got overplayed into eternity
Brad: alanis morrisette was still riding high from 1995 (late 1995 i think(, the beastie boys released their vocaless record (probably their best ever!)
Brad: adam sandler hit peak comedic talent
Brad: etc etc
Shannon: etc etc :P
Shannon: im putting that on your head stone
Brad: LOL
Brad: i like the sound of that
Shannon: haha
Brad: etc etc to me is "I could go on, but I know you don't care."
Shannon: hehe yup

Valentinus' Gnostic Teachings:

Valentinus taught, in second century A.D., esoteric teachings which Jesus passed on in secret to his disciples. He claimed that he was told of these by his own teacher, Theudas, who was a disciple of Saint Paul. My main interest in the Gnostic teachings, particularly the particularities of Valentinus' teachings, is the cosmogony (the study of the origin of the universe). I'll try to summarize from this great page right here for you. (With parts blatantly plagiarized).

Valentinians believe that God is incomprehensible and cannot be known directly. This means that God is indescribable, infinite, and the whole nine yards. God is the beginning and the end, and the middle as well. He existed before there was anything to exist and will exist long after. If you would like to think of God as a androgynous figure standing outside a box, and the box is our entire existence (universe, matter, dark energy, time, space), and he is also the box and everything inside of it, then OK. (Either that or God is a androgynous (or male-female dyad) individual and our entire existence composed of it. I like that one). Either way, to piss on skeptics and atheists, God existed before there was anything to exist. Before time, there was God. But, it's not possible to know who or what God is. God is. That's it.

The androgynous vision of God is based on the notion that God is composed of two separate parts, with feminine and masculine aspects. The feminine aspect is called Silence, Grace and Thought. Silence is God's primordial state of tranquility and self-awareness, She is also the active creative Thought that makes all subsequent states of being substantial. The masculine aspect of God is Depth, also called Ineffable and First Father. Depth is the profoundly incomprehensible, all-encompassing aspect of the deity. He is essentially passive, yet when move to action by his feminine Though, he gives the universe form.

This form, our universe, potentially came to be via the two separate aspects of God forming the Son (another androgynous being). The Son manifests himself in twenty-six spiritual entities (or "Aeons) arranged into male-female pairs. Getting into the specifics of them is pointless. The Aeons represent the energies immanent within the Son and were seen as part of his personality. Together they constitute the Fullness (pleroma) of the Godhead.

The Aeons who are manifested by the Son are conceived as having some degree of psychological independence. They lie within God but are separated from him. As result, they do not know the one who brought them into being. The Aeons (much like humanity?) sensed that they were incomplete and longed to know their origin.

The longing was passed to Sophia (Wisdom), the youngest of the Aeons. On behalf of the whole Fullness, she took up the quest to know the supreme Parent. She attempted to know him by thinking alone, something that is impossible. As a result, she became separated from the group and fell into a state of deficiency and suffering. Due to the Limit (below), she was divided in two, one being cast off and the other half returned to her consort, her family, stronger and knowing that God is unknowable. Her lower half became the realm called deficiency, which is identical to the physical world.

The Valentinians envisioned the universe (wrong choice of word) as a series of concentric spheres. The innermost sphere is the world, called deficiency, where the lower Sophia was exiled. Enclosing this is the Fullness (pleroma) where the Aeons are. The Aeons are enclosed within the Son. The outermost sphere which encompasses the Son is where the Father (Depth and Silence) is. There is a boundary, or Limit, between God and the Fullness. There is another between the Fullness and the deficiency. Just as the Fullness is a product of the Godhead and lies within it, so also the realm of deficiency is a product of the Fullness and lies within it. The deficiency arose as result of ignorance and it will be dissolved through knowledge (gnosis).

Through the meditation of the Son, the Aeons within the Fullness were given the knowledge (gnosis) of God and received rest. All of the Aeons then joined together in celebration and became completely integrated into the personality of the Son. The reintegrated Son is also called the Savior. He is destined to be the male partner or bridegroom of the fallen Sophia.

The lower Sophia, trapped in the realm of deficiency, continued to suffer the emotional torments of grief,fear, and confusion. As a result of this, she was trapped in a state of illusion, unable to distinguish what was real from what was unreal. She underwent a conversion when she thought of the light and she began to plea for assistance. In response, the Savior descended the Limit to her. Through knowledge of the eternal form she was freed of illusion and suffering.

The states of being or "substances" came into being from Sophia as a result of her quest to know God. First the illusion which characterizes material existence came from ignorance and suffering; is it personified as the Devil. Second came soul which comes from conversion as an intermediate stage between ignorance and knowledge, it is personified as the Craftsman (demiurge) who forms the material world. Last, the spiritual seed came from her knowledge and is personified in the lower Sophia herself.

Despite the fact that the lower Sophia was no longer ignorant, the ignorance was not fully dissipated. The spiritual seeds were immature and needed training. For this reason, the creation of the material world was necessary. The lower Sophia and the Savior secretly influenced the Craftsman to created the material world in the image of the Fullness. The craftsman is ignorant of his mother and thinks that he acts alone, but he unconsciously acts as her agent.

Human beings were created by the Craftsman. In addition to a physical body, Valentinians believed that people were composed of three non-corporeal elements: a demonic part (chous), a rational soul (psyche), and a spiritual seed (pneuma). Human beings were divided into three types depending on which of the three natures is dominant within them. That is why Adam and Eve are described as having had three children who they named Cain, Abel and Seth. They are the prototypes of carnal (choic), animate (psychic) and spiritual (pneumatic) human beings respectively.

The decisive event in the history of the world was the ministry of Jesus. He is the physical manifestation of the Son or Savior. Prior to his coming, the true God was unknown. Jesus came to bring knowledge (gnosis) to a suffering humanity that was desperately seeking God. By knowledge, the two elements which had been separated (i.e. the seeds and the angels) are joined.

-=-

For those who doesn't understand what any of this means or why I'm posting a condensed version of this condensed version of this much longer page. I'll explain the most basic parts.

Our God, the God that created us, the God of the Bible and the supposed Ten Commandments and all those others, is not the only God, much less the all powerful God of which everything exists. Even more so, Jesus was most definitely not the Bible-God's son, but the true God's son, the Savior. (Or, if you want to be even more specific, the Son of the Savior, but he was a manifestation of the Savior so you can call him that). Oddly enough this is alluded to in the Bible in many places that many people are more than happy to overlook.

Oh well. Typing it all out helped explain it to me better, so that's all that matters. There's a lot more details outside of Valentinian tradition that gets into why our God was such a pissy little cockmonger in the Old Testament. (Cos he's dumb, and insane!) I might get into that stuff later.

And I Introduce The Uninitiated To...

Mark Driver, the man who is solely responsible (along with a few other people, woops) for the fact that I am writing today. Here's an except from his newest Driver entry.

"You know the scene. Smoky dump with cracked cement floors, knife-scratched graffiti, and thrashed booths. But no one came for the ambiance, they came for the spectacle. Five final bands. The ugly, fat punks set their gear up on the floor and began wailing. Lead singer with the wrestling mask? Not too original, but probably an improvement over what lied beneath. And he had the ingratiating habit of running out into the crowd, grabbing the bottle of beer out of your hand, and smashing it on the ground at your feet. What panache! Priceless! Not to be outdone, the crowd began throwing empties at the band. Soon, there was at least four inches of broken glass on the floor and at least a dozen people beating the shit out of each other on top of it. Towards the end of their set, Mr. Wrestler Singer took off his shirt AND DID THE WORM in the wreckage and then A BACKSPIN, coming up with a cluster of glass leeches and bleeding profusely from the gashes. High fives all around. Drunks were slipping across the dancefloor, going down hard, getting helped back up, cutting the shit out of themselves and those unfortunate enough to be near them. Most anyone pushing by you on the way to the bar was soaked in blood and left red streaks on your own shirt. A laughing girl was getting a piece of brown Budweiser shrapnel removed from her face. You could smell the blood in the room. The heavy scent of iron, hot and nauseating."

Hey, So, Yeah...

almost a week without a real decent update. I figure I'll fill you in on all the neat happenings in my life with this neat bulleted list in which things are.. listed... with bullets... in no particular order or time sequence! How cool is that, fools! Hm, I wonder if I remember how to make lists... I did get an A in that HTML class... Hmm... Ah, yes!

• Got a semi-new computer. Been playing games I've been wanting to play for a long time.
  
• Got sick and puked everywhere. Took three whole days off work, two of which I did indeed spend mostly all of in bed being sick when I'd rather have been at work.
  
• Wrote a Super Long Review of Deus Ex: Invisible War.
  
• Got to nurse baby dachshund puppies out of lethargic drug induced stupors from birth. That was cool.
  
• My head hurts a bit right now.
  
• I'm ripping more music for Ubernet.
  
• You're ugly.
  
• I dropped a bagged up dog off the top shelf of the freezer. It would have been really hilarious had I not been trying not to puke, but I laughed anyway. When we opened the bag up and the dog's head (which had been bit by a rattlesnake the day before) was covered in blood, I went home.
  
• Chris, an overnight worker, and I managed to hoist a 203# Irish Wolfhound up and into the Routine (Disposal) barrel all by ourselves. Our muscles are mighty and not to be fooled with.
  
• I made friends with the only person I feared at work, Devon, the ICU technician who I am assigned to assist. It was hard to assist her when she said she didn't want to use me. Between the Wolfhound and then finding a vein in a dog that she couldn't find, I gained her respect. She said I reminded her a lot of her brother. I'm not sure what it is about vet technician older sisters just automatically not liking their brothers for no reason but it will never cease to puzzle me. But, then again, Devon might have a good reason.
  
• I got my $20 worth of Girl Scout cookies. Haven't payed for them yet but they sure are tasty. I ate an entire column of Thin Mints in about three hours... then I felt sick! It was so cool! It'll be like two months before I can eat the other box and a half without cringing.
  
• The Marie Calendar's Fettuccine Alfredo with Garlic Bread TV dinners are actually cheaper than the Uncle Ben's Rice Bowls and they're twice as filling! Now that, my friends, is quality.
  
• I'm not sure what it is but I automatically have a fierce distaste, near racist hatred, for Asian women. Today we had a meeting at work and the one Asian girl (I call her girl and not woman because she looks like she's probably 16 years old) was lecturing us about EKG machines and I couldn't bring myself to listen to a word she said. She just pisses me off. She's got a super ego for a Jr. Tech and every time I work on her shift she's just sitting around doing fuck all... oh, and she's Asian, which automatically deducts 20 points as far as I'm concerned. I envision myself choking the life out of her gleefully and I can't explain why. The one Asian guy who works there is cool (which makes me think I just hate Asian women, but I'm not sure) but he's too fucking quiet, but then again it seems like only me and four other assistants are really talkative among ourselves. I did feel like saying "Hmm and Asian veterinarian, I WOULD NEVER HAD GUESSED!!!" when I met him but I decided better of it.
  
• Uhm, well I guess that's it.
  

That's it, fools! Go away.

You know what?

I'd really appreciate it if I'd stop feeling like crap. Sure, I'm 99% sure I'll be fine tomorrow but just a bit sooner would be great, thanks. It's a disgusting thought but a large part of me would rather be at work right now.

So, I spent all day puking.

And I still feel like shit. ;(

Demo Roundup:

Painkiller is a gorgeous shooter along the lines of a very dark and gothic Serious Sam with amazing physics. The environments are incredible and the monster design is superb, and there is nothing quite as satisfying as staking legion after legion of demon. (Especially those few stakes where you hit them just right and their necks explode). Far Cry is beautiful even with the graphic settings set to Medium, gorgeous but unplayable at Very High. Hideously difficult for a moron like myself even at Easy. Seems to me that the physics get in the way of the fun and perhaps it's unbalanced in some way. Either that, or I'm just stupid. Caused me about an hour of frustration retrying one part of the level over and over again until I decided that it wasn't my lack of skill but the stupidity of the game environment. Unreal Tournament 2004 is the best of the three, and kicks serious ass. I can't stop playing it, and plan on buying it now because it is so much fun.

Unreal Tournament 2004:

Since this is the only really current demo out, I downloaded it to flex the muscles of my new computer and it's Geforce4 Ti4600... This game is bad ass. I loved the original UT and never bothered with UT2003 really, but I spent a good hour just absorbed in Onslaught mode, and a good amount of time playing Assault. Gorgeous visuals, ragdoll physics, very very nice. Looks better and plays smoother than Halo. Very cool.

Ow, Motherfucker:

That thought was what precisely passed through my head at the moment I began typing within the title box. I went to scratch my side, since it's been itching all day for some reason. The reason I had known, but had just forgotten. There's a few long thin scratches down my side, and they appear on me in various places while I sleep and I have not yet learned why.

Regardless, I am staying true to my word. What I mean is comments I made previously about switching to Firefox from IE when and if I get a new computer. Since I now have a new computer, I can use Firefox. It's taking some getting used to and, even with the Tabbrowser Extension, I can't figure out how to set it to open new tabs no matter what. It's just transitioning from Shift+Clicking to Wheel-Clicking. Oh well!

Someone Kill Me Now:

I got a new computer (P4 2.4ghz) off of Jeff and I've spent pretty much all day trying to get it to work with my harddrives. It wont be long until tears of blood start flowing down my face. This sucks ass. Why can't anything ever be easy?

Masochism & Anhedonia:

"In his study of the form that masochism takes in modern man, Theodor Reik puts forth an interesting view. Masochism is more widespread than we realize because it takes an attenuated form. The basic dynamism is as follows: a human being sees something bad which is coming as inevitable. There is no way he can halt the process; he is helpless. This sense of helplessness generates a need to gain some control over the impending pain--any kind of control will do. This makes sense; the subjective feeling of helplessness is more painful than the impending misery. So the person seizes control over the situation in the only way open to him: he connives to bring on the impending misery; he hastens it. This activity on his part promotes the false impression that he enjoys pain. Not so. It is simply that he cannot any longer endure the helplessness or the supposed helplessness. But in the process of gaining control over the inevitable misery, he becomes, automatically, anhedonic (which means being unable or unwilling to enjoy pleasure). Anhedonia sets in stealthily. Over the years it takes control of him. For example, he learns to defer gratification; this is a step in the dismal process of anhedonia. In learning to defer gratification he experiences a sense of self-mastery; he has become stoic, disciplined; he does not give way to impulse. He has control. Control over himself in terms of his impulses and control over the external situation. He is a controlled and controlling person. Pretty soon he has branched out and is controlling other people, as part of the situation. He becomes a manipulator. Of course, he is not consciously aware of this; all he intends to do is lessen his own sense of impotence. But in his task of lessening this sense, he insidiously overpowers the freedom of others. Yet, he derives no please from this, no positive psychological gain; all his gains are essentially negative."

- Valis, Phillip K. Dick, Vintage, 1981, pgs. 78

Best Present Ever:

"...the California Supreme Court ruled Monday that a Roman Catholic charity must offer birth-control coverage to its employees even though the church considers contraception a sin."

Hahaha, that kicks ass. I love California.

Happy Birthday To Me.

Whee.