It sucks how I get to miss all the really great movies that I really want to see. Requiem for a Dream, and now Snatch. Oh well, I suppose it's how the cookie crumbles, you know? Life is out to fuck me out of the very things I love the most. I'm surprised I ever saw Fightclub when it was in theaters, you know?

@ 8:00:11 PM By Brad R

"In this life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve -- it's what you take."

I hope for everything. I deserve a lot. I can't ever take anything. Society is so built against the idea of a child getting anything they try for. We're bred this way in school. The only way you can get anywhere is if you sacrafice the very things essential to your existance. The popular kids are never A+ students. The A+ students are pathetic nerds with no social life and no friends. I, on the other hand, am a pathetic nerd with a D- average. Where does that put me?

Everywhere but where I want to be.

@ 8:20:30 PM By Brad R

Friday, January 19, 2001

I got Nyx's package today. The ring barely fits on my thumb, but that's quite alright. It looks stylish! And that Dragon Cloud stick. Boy, oh, boy, is that some potent stuff. I could barely breathe through my nose while it was burning, so I only burned a tiny bit.

The Fountainhead has the tiniest print I've ever seen. Ever.

Also, Tiffany sent me the four dollars for whatever warez I could burn her on CD... Don't remember what I was supposed to burn her but I suppose I'll figure it out! Damn.

@ 3:02:24 PM By Brad R

Thursday, January 18, 2001

If I scream loud enough, I just might wake the world up. If I speak, it will ignore me. If I whisper, it will die. I whimper, it laughs. I cry, it bleeds. I burn, it lies.

@ 3:52:45 AM By Brad R

Apology time! I apologize for everyone I referred to Digitalrice. Yes, it was a mistake. Yes, I'm a moron. No, they actually did kick ass at one time.

Also, it's kind of really interesting to see sites by friends who use styles I used in the past. It's kinda nifty, you know, makes you feel like someone dug you enough to rip me off. (Hi, Jason). But, if Comet asks me to install their goddamn Comet Cursor program again, I will seriously fucking scream.

Also, I apologize to some people I know who can't get over their unjustifiably huge egos that they manage to trip over at every turn. That's sort of sad, you should really try tying those shoelaces sometimes. You wouldn't want to look like an ass, you know, with your face in the pavement and all. You wouldn't want to smash up that not so pretty face of yours. But, you know, I wont name names. Public retaliation is, after all, just a means to show how bad you hurt my waning ego.

Ouch, ouch. Stop, please, it hurts so good.

@ 4:07:52 AM By Brad R

Those lonely nights, I tried to reach you.

@ 5:31:53 PM By Brad R

Wednesday, January 17, 2001

I lie to myself. I tell myself everythings alright. After the attempt at tears, the crying and choking and sobbing on the kitchen counter without true release, without tears. I joke, ha ha, I fucked up, I'll make it better! All's well that end's well, I say! But I'm so full of shit. Another fucking future, gone. Unless, unless I can right my wrongs and smack myself around and tell myself I am better than this. I can do better, I can be better! DONT SCREW UP ANOTHER FUTURE! Don't fuck up! You learnt! You fucking learnt your lesson and you fucking do it again...

Don't play with fire, Brad. You're gonna get scarred.

@ 2:51:24 AM By Brad R

"I'll wake up, wake up from this terrible dream."

"Can you call it a dream?"

"It started off as one, and it still is one."

"Why so terrible, then?"

"Because all false realities have smudges in the paint."

"Misused colors?"

"Yeah."

@ 2:53:34 AM By Brad R

jilted silence of worth

@ 2:54:29 AM By Brad R

sighs within broken mirror

aahahahhaa

shiny microscopic lies!

yeah yeah, you better

sing me praises in your ears...

in your ears.

@ 2:55:27 AM By Brad R

Jesus christ, Nyx. Clean your apartment.

@ 11:30:01 AM By Brad R

If you're gonna be like that, I wont be hurt, I wont hurt over you. (Odd, because apparently you're the one who's hurt, but lets not complicate things beyond how they already are). Because we all know dear Brad over here, he don't feel emotion! He's a freak! So, better not let my guard down, or people might start to think I'm human... Now that would be a terrible thing. Oh, well.

@ 11:32:26 AM By Brad R

"You really fucked up this time, Bob."

@ 11:39:22 AM By Brad R

I don't know about Nyx, but I can feel the warm silkiness of smoke as it filters between my parted fingers. But maybe it's because of the heavy smoke of my incense cone... Who knows?

@ 10:53:28 PM By Brad R

Tuesday, January 16, 2001

Oh, yeah, have you nominated EB for a Bloggie, yet?

@ 4:01:09 AM By Brad R

Goddamn Blogger. Double post.

@ 3:39:23 PM By Brad R

Monday, January 15, 2001

Hey, whoa, check it out. I'm on SURVIVORblog 2!

@ 1:07:08 AM By Brad R

This is very strange, because on SBlog2, I have the old funny and energetic prose I had when EB first started out for the first few months. It's very weird, I suggest you check it out if you were a fan of the old EB.

@ 4:57:19 PM By Brad R

The XBox is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

@ 5:39:26 PM By Brad R

For Nyx, lifted from SB2: Am I Hot Or Not, Nyx? Not! Not!

@ 7:35:10 PM By Brad R

The process of girl. She said she'd have sex with me, so I linked her.

@ 10:14:53 PM By Brad R

Sunday, January 14, 2001

I love the Magellan Earthlink comericials. Brilliant stuff, just the animation and the orange and the Get Linked. I can't wait until they come out with the "Aint It Cool?" comercials to correspond with the posters that have been plasted anywhere. Well, at least they better make a comercial with the oh so wonderful (albeit sometimes wrong) Harry.

@ 1:17:26 AM By Brad R

So, uh, this guy walks into a bar.

@ 3:41:52 PM By Brad R

Ahaha! She did change the Queenling URL on me! How evil!

@ 3:56:29 PM By Brad R

By the way, I couldn't get to your site earlier, but thanks. And, yes, I really am fifteen, I can show you all pictures I took four days ago in a mirror, but I'd rather not be that egotistical looking! [smirk]

@ 3:59:54 PM By Brad R

It's sad that now, after I close Safeweb, do all of the people praising it come out of the woodwork. Oh, well, it's for the better, I will make better, mark my word! Hell, I always do. Just ask anyone who doesn't loathe me. Which, right now, is just about everyone except for Zakh and Nyx. Live love, love life, love love.

@ 4:02:30 PM By Brad R

If Blogger doesn't stop sucking, I will, uh, keep bitching for no reason at all. I don't include a link to Blogger anymore because, well, their service is shitty now, (You know, the archives worked fine until you guys went and screwed with them, didn't they? Oh yes, they did!) and then they jump all over people when someone decides to insult them because of their stupidity. (Jack Saturn is a very good example of this, what an asshole in Discuss). Whatever, you Pyra people really need to get your act together if you expect anyone to ever take you seriously. AOL didn't become popular because of their publicized mistakes and then their inability to deal with them.

Learn from the company you will probably be bought by, if they had any brains. Oh, wait, I'm sure you Pyra folk have too many morals to by bought by AOL. Ahaha! Tell that to Justin Frankle, we all know what he's turned into! Not that I claim to know anything, I am just a stupid kid after all. It's what you get for helping fill the internet with pointless crap. Except, this isn't like Geocities or Xoom, because at least they had the fiancial brains to keep running without requesting thousands of dollars in donations. Hell, even when they're 'overloaded' they run faster than Blogger does on a Sunday.

@ 5:55:58 PM By Brad R