Tiny swirling galaxies in my coffee cup.

@ 7:18:29 AM By Brad R

I start to wonder where my emotions come from, where they stem out to. My leaves are green, but my roots are a dusky shade of cerulean. I'd rather not think about it, but the mind starts to wander and you can't keep yourself from tying loose ends together. It's a pity they make such a contorted, yet tight knot that no one will ever be able to unwind. Except, perhaps, Maniac McGee. But, lets not get into that one.

@ 11:57:51 AM By Brad R

There is so much in my mind, I cannot fucking think clearly. This has never, ever happened to me before. For once everything I want to say, I can't. It's a horrible feeling for me, who has never felt this way in my entire life. Usually I can sort things out and shove unproductive thoughts to the (I'm going to kill someone) side and write something interesting. But, not this time. Not this time.

@ 1:23:53 PM By Brad R

I am so fucking stupid! I am fucking gullible! (Dying in your sleep is a release from something you wouldn't want to face otherwise). I wish I could just get away from it all. YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME! Fuck you! Fuck you all! You're all so fucking full of shit, I'm going to fucking make you all burn! At what temperature does blood boil? When does one scream in pain (Pleasure? Like it exists, all it is is the fear in my eyes) and beg for mercy? (The sanctity of touch is lost on someone who has never been alive). Trust doesn't exist any longer. Trust is broken and shattered (Glass?) splintered all over the floor in tiny shreds (Pyrex?) Fuck you! You don't fucking care about me! Magick marker my ass! (Internal visualizations manifest in external tangibles! Ahahahahahaaha). Yeah, and you say I'm mad! I AM MAD! Hahahahah! Fuck you! Fuck the sun and fuck it all, fuck it all until you fucking bleed, until you're raw and screaming until you can't take it anymore. (Get on your knees and pray). Pray! PRAY! Ahahahahha. Fucking pray. pray, goddamn you... pray for forgiveness.

@ 5:49:39 PM By Brad R

Ahahahahahaha. (Marray 300 lbs signed off at 5:55:55 PM.)

@ 5:57:07 PM By Brad R

BLEED! Bleed for me! Bleed for my mind and my minions! Bleed for the man who will tear you both apart piece by piece! Don't you think I don't fucking know! I know the plan. I know how it all works. You thought you were smarter than me, but you're WRONG! You're so wrong! It's all so wrong and distorted and fucked over backwards. no no no i am not stupid i saw it from the beginning your little plan your idea oh yes that was an accident didnt mean to get caught ahahha no wait we did mean to OOPS DID I MAKE A MISTAKE ahahhaah no no it is bright outside lighted by the moon the stars ahahhaah you think you know but you DONT you're all WRONG you got it wrong i am so fucking better than you yeah right like you care you dont care all you care about is hurting me you and him fucking me over no no sorry it don't work like that. yeah, you better run all the fucking grass in the world wont hide you from me all of you all four of you all five of you all twenty of you one day you will burn for me

@ 6:00:56 PM By Brad R

dont you scream

@ 6:06:16 PM By Brad R

blood caught clogged in your throat choke spit fucking die for me wish you were never born die for me please it would mean so much if youd only die for me turn on your heel and (die for me) walk down the sidewalk with that pride in your step don't you (die for me) think you're hot shit, don't you think that you're going to (die for me) go places don't you wish you were someone other than the person that will (die for me) end up a zero maybe if you wouldn't be so hestitant to (die for me) admit defeat you wouldn't be so uptight about your pride and your urge to (die for me) step all over everyone that is above you maybe you need a lesson in self control before you (die for me) get some place where you can't advance any futher where you just hit a dead end and you cant (die for me) spin on your heel any longer. don't you wish you could just die for me? don't you? i know you do, don't you fucking lie.

@ 6:11:51 PM By Brad R

i just want ... no.

@ 6:19:44 PM By Brad R

give me a brick and i will be all powerful
give me a gun and i will be a god
give me a reason and i wont have to hurt you
give me a hole and i will fill it
give me your love and i will be better
give me a life and i wont worry
give me a soul and i will cherish you
give me a reason and i will save you
give me a god and i will love you

@ 6:24:12 PM By Brad R

fuck your house and fuck your wor(l)ds.

@ 6:42:51 PM By Brad R

i never saw you and you saw me and i thought it was awkward but cool and the fear built up and built up and then i disappeared and thought about my future and fucked up reality and the things that make me want to exist and not exist and where they come from and what they are and how they got there and what do you see in the crystal, friend? then i saw you and my fear dissolved and i was left standing there feet drowning in mud and screaming for life dead in air sputtering and grasping and reaching and wishing for release

@ 7:02:46 PM By Brad R

i will never see you again. (tonight).

@ 7:05:04 PM By Brad R

"maybe i should spend the rest of my life inventing a time machine just so i can go back 16 years ago and kick myself to death" Starloser is funny.

@ 8:00:27 PM By Brad R

I took a shower. I feel much better now. I wont be online tonight or much of tomorrow morning/afternoon, sadly. So if you're wondering where I am. No, I'm not dead yet. I'm still alive, and kicking like a son of a bitch. See you, later.

@ 8:58:32 PM By Brad R

Friday, December 15, 2000

Interesting dealings going on. Very, very interesting dealings.

@ 4:16:49 PM By Brad R

Maybe, my eyes will bleed. Then the tainted red visage will have a reason.

@ 4:29:54 PM By Brad R

Thursday, December 14, 2000

Enya.com is a shining representation of how slow Flash 5 has become. Sigh.

@ 1:42:47 AM By Brad R

For those of you who miss the old ElectricBiscuit and wish I was still as angry and hateful as ever, too bad. But, for those of you who want to understand why I was that way, in the old days, please turn your attention to this article: About Trolls and Flamers. It's a very good read, and explains why trolls (and flamers) are the way they are. If anyone from Trash-Talk reads EB, I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

@ 4:03:45 AM By Brad R

You really fucked up this time, Bob.

@ 10:46:13 AM By Brad R

If I had a brick, I'd be all powerful. I'd rid the world of a blemish. I'd smash it's face in.

@ 11:56:26 AM By Brad R

alternative - mass control . diversification and guilt . jealousy (prejudice) the courage to be themselves (the courage to be themselves) often hated . aims to make . individual freedom . spiritual bounds . mental shackles . to heal the wound of separation . to question the unquestioning of the mind . offers an alternative to mass control . the center of the information war . progressed . we have progressed . physically as far as we can go . next stage mental justification (the process is you) justification . decentralized by conditioned guilt . (fear responses) . realize . for individuals who wish to acquire (the process) sigil to the will . give the mind before upon which is a function of the self to react . and this focusing releases a tremendous energy (which leaves to process) as the concourse lowers positive flow of energy . (progessed . progressed . we have progressed) (so be it) (so be it) (so be it) the process (so be it) the body . like mindedness . ageless souls striving for individual matters toward collective goals . a guiltless state of self awareness . the process is you . the process is yours!

@ 12:18:30 PM By Brad R

Wednesday, December 13, 2000

I checked my voicemail just now for the first time in a while. There was a number on it that I didn't recognize. I downloaded it, and it opened, "Hiya Bradley, this is the other Brad, the female one." I almost snapped. I remember she told me before she left that she left me a voicemail, now, but I never checked it. It's horrible that the first time I have to hear her voice is after she's dead. Three fucking days after she sent the VM, she's dead. Why the fuck does this shit have to be so harsh?

@ 2:01:53 AM By Brad R

God, Republica sucks. How I ever liked them is beyond me.

@ 2:15:09 AM By Brad R

The new Google Toolbar is just amazing. This is proven by it's About window, which clearly states: "This is version 1.1 of the Google Toolbar. Earlier version, if they exist, retain only sentimental value. Such is the transience of material things." If you can't tell why it kicks ass, you must be a moron.

@ 4:26:59 AM By Brad R

This is the last visible post until Safeweb is launched.

@ 6:01:27 AM By Brad R

The benefits of staying awake until the point of exhaustion is the simple fact that when you finally sleep, it comes easily, and it comes deeply. You can lay down and find that one single comfortable spot, and as soon as you start to think about nothing, you will be gone for hours. This has benefits, and downfalls, but right now all I can think of is benefits. The beauty of sleep is lost on me, though, because I cannot remember my dreams. But this is also a benefit. I place my glasses on the shelf at eight thirty. I close my eyes. I wake up at nine thirty, as if nothing happened. I put my glasses on, sit up, and get on the computer and write this entry. It's so simple. Three seconds of blackness turn into an hour of sleep.

@ 9:35:03 AM By Brad R

"Satan's religion of communism has died so he is now raising up a new religion of environmentalism in which he is going to have people worshipping the earth. Over the past 26 years since 1970, the establishment globalists have pushed down our throats more Socialism, more people control, more restrictions on free enterprise and private property in America, all in the name of environmentalism, than the Communists were able to achieve in 75 years."

I didn't know protecting the enviroment was directly involved with satanism, communism, and hitleristic actions! I am so thankful all these wonderful Christians are protecting us from such evils! How dare Al Gore insult Christians for denying the fact that the earth is our mother. I mean, where is 'God' going to be when the Ozone Layer is completely destroyed and our skin is melting off? I'm sure they'll pass that off as 'Armageddon' and say that it wasn't our ignorant fault. All this christian propaganda does is piss me off and makes me realize more deeply how full of shit 'Christianity' is.

Where do they get off on judging Paganism and Enviromentalism as some kind of evil? Where do they get off on saying they're the only right way? By all means it appears they are the only wrong way, because of how extremist their actions and words are. Any religion that so openly judges everyone and everything around it really doesn't deserve an ounce of respect. All Christianity is doing is spreading hatred and paranoia between all people. What the hell is up with them?

The Christian Way: Hatred and Destorying Our Enviroment is Good!

@ 2:24:43 PM By Brad R

Monday, December 11, 2000

The redesign/revamp of ElectricBiscuit that you all haven't known about is coming along exceedingly nicely. I am utterly pleased beyond belief. I need access to a Mac to see how it looks on Mac but who knows. If you're on a Mac, contact me under the screenname Afext if you are willing to help me out. Thank you.

@ 10:26:02 AM By Brad R

Sunday, December 10, 2000

I like listening to music that is new to me at night because nobody is around. I feel like I don't have anything to prove to anyone through the music I'm listening to, so if I'm trying something new, I can just listen to it and enjoy it if I'm going to enjoy it, without anyone else's opinion. I am digging Deep Forest.

@ 3:41:00 AM By Brad R

"i have wist, sin i couthe meen, that children hath by candle light her shadewe on the wal iseen, and ronne therafter all the night. bisy aboute they han ben to catchen it with all here might." - Delerium, Aria.

@ 5:47:40 AM By Brad R

On the last day of school last year, my gym teacher expected us to dress. Now, he didn't tell us this, really, we were just expected to bring our clothes for no reason. We knew there was gonna be a barbeque and shit but the last thing we expected was for him to force us to dress. I didn't bring my gym clothes.

He told me he was going to fail me if I didn't go into the locker rooms and change into some clothes. I went in there, and the guy who gave out loaner clothes wasn't there. I went back, and told him there were no clothes. He told me there were clothes in a box on the floor. I went in there, and the box was full of clothes the kids wanted to donate as loaners.

It was full of soggy wet warm clothes that were already breeding mold. I picked one up and cringed. I spent two hours in the locker room, laying down on one of the benches reading, or just staring off into space. I have no idea where the time went because two hours, sitting alone in a locker room, goes by very, very slowly.

When the bell rang, I hid from the teacher as best as I could. He told a friend of mine to tell me that he's going to fail me because I did that. I told my friend to fuck off, and went on my merry way. The rest of the day was great, and when I got my report card a month later, I got a B in Gym. I was struggling the last few weeks, I was failing because I never went to school, and some how I managed a B. I'm still wondering about it, to this day.

@ 6:01:34 AM By Brad R

I suppose it is the price of falling... in love.

@ 6:42:48 AM By Brad R

I've released my first official, but simple, wallpaper. It's called Safew. Visit it at it's own page, or check it out, and rate it at Deskmod.

@ 12:06:00 PM By Brad R

The fact that I know about all good things before everyone else does is comforting. And sometimes it pisses me off. But usually it's comforting. No, wait, no. Usually it just pisses me off. Fucking idiots don't know a good thing until it smacks them in the face. Dumbass! You all should fucking die. Die!

@ 9:55:46 PM By Brad R