In recent months, I am noticing a trend developing. The leet speak that has been the rage among gamers for years is slowly infiltrating itself into the weblogging, website community. The problem with this, besides all the people using it not being gamers, is the fact that no one knows exactly what the hell they're saying, why, or how to say it. This guide is here to show you proper usage of simple leet speak. Please, take it to heart, improper usage of leet speak will only make you look like a complete arse to those well educated in simple leet speak.
· First, Respect Must Be Given
Realize, first, before you use these words... They are not cool. I mean, they are cool, but they aren't. Simple Leet Speak's main objective is to sound akin to a twelve year old. They were probably originated by a twelve year old. Why? Because they were borne forth from this ether by the gaming community, and possibly warez community. My first knowledge of these words came from way back in '97 on EFNet, hanging with a lot of Half-Life fans, way before it came out.
Realize that by using these words, that you more than likely have no right to use, you are intruding on the promised land of Counter-Strike and Shacknews. You are lowering yourself to our level, and you are not as cool as us. Not that we are cool, but you know what we mean.
Also, proper usage of these words may change, and may evolve. In fact, the words my phase out of existence entirely and you wont be cool anymore, but archaic. But, either way...
Realize, that it is not cool to use these words. As I stated above, they're meant to sound stupid, childish, and lame. People like Kottke would not be caught dead saying these words. Also, think before you use them. The margin of error for usage of these words is high. It's simple to get the hang of Simple Leet Speak if you hang out on the Shacknews forums for about two years, but newcomers may be baffled. You might feel inclined to use them improperly. Don't. True gamers will laugh at you.
Now that you have been properly warned, continue on, and learn the true ways.
· Sux0rz, Rox0rz, and Variations
No Capitalization. First and foremost, these words should never be capitalized, like above. It looks stupid, and, well, it just shouldn't be done.
Only One Zero. "rox0rz" cannot be replicated as "r0x0rz." That looks stupid. You will look stupid, in turn.
Any other words may not use this format, period. The only proper words that may use this format are: sux0rz, rox0rz, sex0rz. As far as I know, no other usages are acceptable. You may not append '0rz' to any other words. Angie said, "sox0rz," and that is not acceptable.
Z and S may be used, or not at all. It is not required to use the words rox0r, sux0r, and sex0r plurally. If you must, you may use a Z or a S. It does not matter. Z's may be used to sound more leet.
Pronunciation. You should never use these words in reality. But, if so, they should be pronounced as: sux·zorz, rock·zorz, and sex·zorz.
Proper Usage. These words can, and should, be used only in simple sentences, or on their own. Examples: "sux0rz for you, man." "mad sex0rz last night!" and "you rox0r."
· uNFZ, Fap, and Variations
uNFZ.
Unfz is the sound you make when you're humping someone, something, or your hand. Realize this. Unfz may be used in several forms. Examples: uNFZ, UNFz... Oh, that's it. Nothing else is proper. Unfz is always plural, and always with a Z. Any variations should be shunned. If you use variations, you will not be leet.
Unfz should always be used in repetition. Examples: "uNFZ uNFZ uNFZ YEAH SWEET!!!" and simply "UNFz UNFz UNFz" It is suggested that you do not repeat it more than three times unless the desired effect if annoyance.
Fapping.
Fap is the sound you make when you masturbate. (Men only, Women jokingly). Realize this. Fap is only proper when used in a line of repeated faps.
Example: "OH MAN! THAT CHICK IS HOT! *fap fap fap*" Or, when mocking someone, "*fap fap fap*" Generally, this should not be used, except by guys, around guys.
· w00t, j00, and Other Words with Zeros.
w00t.
W00t is a happy word. Much akin to Homer Simpson's classic "Woohoo!" W00t may be used only as w00t. No capitalization. Mostly all the words on here must not use capitalization. Make a note of this. W00t should not be used in repetition. W00t is a single word to be used singularly, or along with a short sentence. It can be repeated if you've got five head shots in a row with an AK from across the map in Counter-Strike.
j00.
J00 is considered archaic in many ways now. Used way back before Half-Life ever came out, j00 has gone the way of the dinosaurs. J00 was formally used in phrases as "1 0wNz j00, bitch!" And others. It probably should not be used today, but it can be. Use sparingly. The J must be lowercase, also, like many of the words here.
· Teh, Evar, and Nuked
teh and evar.
Teh is a mistyping of The. It should be used accompanied by Evar. The combination of these two words results in an implied level of stupidity beyond that which any human being possesses. In may be used capitalized, or non. It does not matter. Most often you will find it used in full capitals.
Evar is the mistyping of Ever. It should be used accompanied by Teh. Read the above statement. Proper usage of Evar and Teh should result in a phrase such as: "DNF IS TEH BEST GAME EVAR!" Generally these words should not be used otherwise.
A long time ago, people felt motivated to always type the word "the" as "teh". Do not feel this way, unless you are thirteen, at which point, do so, so we all know how old you really are. No, really, go ahead.
NUKED.
Nuked is not used properly anywhere but at Shacknews, I will not explain it's usage here, for fear other people will use it elsewhere, where it has no meaning. NUKED is not the proper format for NUKED. Browse Shacknews to learn.
· Credit As Due
This document would not be possible without all the wonderful people playing Quake 2 through Counter-Strike, the readers of Shacknews, and the great people I used to chat with. Without the original Simple Leet Speakers who thought u17r4 1337 5p34k was lame, there wouldn't be any Simple Leet Speak today.
Also, understand that I did not write the rules. The rules were written through classically acceptable usage. Much like how a true language is crafted, the speakers chose subconsciously how these words must be used. I am here to write them down, and explain to those not gifted with the true ability to use Simple Leet Speak properly.
Only those of us truly gifted may modify the rules. Not directly, it never is, but indirectly. Simple Leet Speak is much like a meme. It doesn't exist anywhere but in the minds of those who use it.
Please visit The Electric Biscuit. When you are done learning.
